It may be helpful but not necessary to read my post regarding frugalists, minimalists, and valuists prior to reading on.
In that post I break down each group definition which will make understanding my transition between the groups a little easier to follow. As the definitions relate strongly to my own story on my pursuit of happiness, shout out Will Smith. Anyways, lets start.
The Beginning
Naturally, if you knew me or have read any of my past material, then you know that I probably most strongly align with the frugalist. You can read more of my personal story here.
As mentioned in the link above, I felt like I have always been frugal. I grew up in a normal middle class family. My parents divorced before I can remember, so I know they both spent some years raising me as single parents.
However, I don’t remember ever struggling to get by but again I was very young at this time. Either way, we were frugal, maybe we were not frugal by necessity but I was still taught a healthy appreciation for money at a young age and more specifically saving it.
Grade School to High School
So through the years of school prior to college, I saved it. I loved the quarterly bank statements my dad showed gave me that showed my savings account had grown by 0.48 cents that quarter. I didn’t understand why it grew but I loved the fact that someone was giving me free money just for saving.
At this point in my life, I didn’t understand the working/accumulation aspect of money as I was more focused on sports and friends. Never trying to get a job during the school year, often avoiding it like the plague.
So I never really worked anything outside of summer jobs,during school. Making and working just enough to keep my dad happy. But to be honest, the working part is still not my favorite hence the blog!
Regardless of the work or not, I saved. I didn’t spend money like that of my peers. I never wanted any of the newest things, the most in clothes, or the nice car or for my hometown, truck. I was a frugalist in pretty much all aspects of my life.
However, when I look back at this time of my life, I begin to see some of the problems or issues being the fruglist was causing. I started to see that I was the person never volunteering to drive, never buying gifts for my loved ones, never bringing food to parties, nor wanting to go out for movies, events, etc like some of my friends/peers.
I rightfully earned the title of cheap in my friend group. Although this didn’t seem to bother me at the time nor did I really understand my actions or myself at this time.
College
I then went to college and my frugal ways continued. I went to a public state school, I lived in the cheapest housing I could find ($300/month utilities included), ate cheap foods (eggs…a lot), and even most of my drinking was done prior to going to the bars.
My entertainment was all found in my college town or was spent driving the 2 hours home or to the University many of my high school friends went to. Other than that, my car sat idle as I walked to class each day. I didn’t spend on entertainment nor ever went on the normal college spring break trip or the month long backpacking trip many college students take after they graduate.
Wanting to focus on school (and because I didn’t like working), I only worked during summer breaks and therefor needed to make my money last during the year. I would guess I lived on probably $500/month during the school year. I even subleased my room during summer breaks when I went back home, likely making my annual spending less than $5,000 dollars per year. I was frugal, my family, friends, and significant others knew it.
However, I still didn’t see anything wrong with it. I was in college, everyone knows college kids are broke. It really didn’t effect my life much through my eyes.
Grad School to My First Job
I went to PT school and it was a similar story. Living cheap, not spending much and not doing much as a result. Although to be fair, having the time to do much while in PT school was also difficult. So I continued with my frugal ways.
Once I graduated PT school, my yearly income significantly rose but my spending habits stayed the same. I still found that I saved nearly everything I made. I justified it as I was starting out at a severe negative net worth with school debt and that scared me. I wanted to be out of my debts shadow immediately, but as every recent new grad knows, it’s more of a marathon than a sprint.
During this time, I also stumbled into the financial independence community, so now early retirement was on my mind and I wanted to get there ASAP. So I saved and invested, it really was the only thing I knew how to do after 25 years of living this way.
Although all of this saving was great for my retirement, what I found was that my lack of spending was not actually improving my overall happiness like I thought it would nor was it improving my relationship with others. I knew that I would love the flexibility financial independence would bring to me, but I wasn’t enjoying the ride there.
I had recognized there was a problem but I wasn’t yet ready to admit that the problem was me. So I instead started looking into other ways to address this lack of happiness.
Traveling Healthcare
This is when I stumbled upon traveling healthcare or more specifically for me, traveling physical therapy.
I hadn’t been anywhere in the United States so I thought that this would be a great way for me to cure my traveling bug through slow travel and work. I also knew this would satisfy my desire to save more money too because of how much more money I would make with traveling versus full time work.
Lastly, traveling healthcare would force me into some form of minimalism as I would only be able to bring what I could fit in my car. Therefor decreasing the stress that owning more stuff would bring onto my life. I was now living a frugal-minimalist lifestyle which I though may improve my happiness.
What I found was that I loved the traveling and I loved the extra money. What I didn’t expect to find was how much I exactly loved the traveling, meeting people, experiencing new cultures, and seeing the United States. This tripped something in my brain that I had been longing for. I wanted to see the world.
Increasing My Spending
As a result, I started spending some more money. I still was smart with how I spent, finding deals or travel hacking my experiences. And always continuing to invest. However, despite my best effort to keep the spending affordable, each time I spent, I would be left with horrible sense of guilt or shame.
That somehow spending money was going against the plan and that every time I did this I was sabotaging myself. I was enjoying the trips, new restaurants, and nights out with new people but it was a struggle every time I hit submit online or swiped my credit card.
You see that because I aligned so strongly with being a frugalist that it physically hurt me to my core to spend money like this.
I also noticed that even though I was guiltily and selfishly able to spend more money on things that I wanted to do, I was still finding that I was being cheap in other aspects of my life such as the ones that involved my own relationships. I was skimping in one aspect of my life to justify the spending in another. It wasn’t healthy.
I clearly still hadn’t figured myself out yet nor truly understood the effects my own actions had.
A Change
It finally took some very dark times in my own life, some serious reflection about myself, and some outside information to help me frame who I wanted to be.
When I first heard about the term valuist, it resonated strongly with me. Not that we need a term or phrase to describe our actions or be the person we want to be, but often these terms help us to create a framework for who we are.
No I don’t need to be labeled a valuist to be able to spend money on things that bring happiness to mine and my loved one’s lives. However, being able to say “I am a valuist”, helps me to reinforce who I am as a person and makes spending decisions easier for me. Now, each time I make a decision based on mine or other’s happiness it further reinforces this identity making the same decisions in the future easier to make and with much less guilt.
Instead of worrying about the exact cost, I ask myself about the happiness this decision will bring me. This doesn’t mean that now I am spending haphazardly or carelessly, it just means that I am now thinking with a framework of decision making based on intentionality. Meaning I am more intentional with my spending which greatly decreases my decision guilt.
I probably am spending a little bit more now than in years past, but my happiness level has gone up tremendously. I am taking part in more events and activities, trying new restaurants, and traveling more. All things that I have found bring me joy. I mean seriously, I just spent $700 dollars to hike and camp Havasu Falls for a weekend and I don’t regret spending a penny. (
I have also found that my relationships have been better as a result too as I am asking myself how every purchase or non purchase effects those that I care about. I have already had friends comment on how surprised they were that I paid for this or helped out with that, all things that reinforce this habit.
How Does This Change My Retirement
And this doesn’t mean that my retirement plans or investment plans have gone out the window either. I still invest my set weekly amount towards index funds. I don’t invest as many “extra” contributions towards retirement but I am still very much on my same path.
However now, I am actually enjoying the process.
Sometimes, we get so set on the end result that we forget about the 10-15-20 years of the process that takes you to that end result. I knew I didn’t want to get to that end result of financial independence and look back upon hurt relationships or missed opportunities. When I focus on the value of each decision I make, I find that I can live more in the present than my analytical brain wants to let me.
Conclusion
I am still a frugalist at heart, if every decision I made only involved myself, yes I could be happy saving the way I did. But each decision doesn’t involve just me. And I have found that although spending itself doesn’t bring me happiness, experiences do, and more importantly experiences with those that I love do. So as long as I always remind myself of this, it will hopefully make my financial independence life happier but more importantly, my journey to get there.
It goes without saying, but you don’t need to be a valuist, frugalist, or minimalist to find happiness. What’s more important and the reason that I share my story, is that you sit down and critically think about what brings you joy in life and use that to drive your decisions.
It could be your spouse or children, it could be from travel, a hobby, a sport, from fame, or even money. Regardless of what it is, it’s important to evaluate what brings you your joy and base your decisions on that.
It doesn’t have to be one thing either, it could be multiple. And what brings you joy at this junction in your life, might not be what brings you joy in another. It’s okay if it changes. All I suggest is that you sit down from time to time with yourself and then with your loved ones and have this all important talk.
It’s improved my happiness and I hope it can help improve yours too.
As always feel free to comment below! I hope my story can help inspire you to make changes in your own life if it isn’t exactly where you want it to be right now. There is always time to make a change or an improvement.
If you have any specific questions or comments please feel free to message me here!
