Dealing with Loneliness as a Traveler

The stresses of traveling healthcare can be a lot to manage sometimes, but for me, one of the hardest things I have had to learn to overcome with traveling is the loneliness of it.

As a traveler, you uproot your entire life, you leave your friends and family, you move across the country, and you start a new job in a new location with new coworkers and patients.  It’s A LOT. But understanding how normal it is and having some ideas on how to combat it can make the entire transition much more manageable.

I do think there are people out there who have free spirits and are perfectly happy and content traveling alone.  I just don’t think this is the majority of travelers and I don’t happen to be one of these people myself.

I know this seems contradictory given my current career choice, but the positives for me have far outweighed the negatives. This balance continues to shift more and more towards the positive side as I continue to learn more about myself, become more independent, and accept that being lonely doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me.

Because being lonely is normal, most of us feel this from time to time even when we are living close to our family and friends. It’s human nature. Most of us long for attention to some extent and some of us more than others.

I have an amazing family and group of friends so leaving was extremely difficult for me. So when I started traveling alone, the loneliness was very real and nothing like anything I had experienced back home.   And if you aren’t a little prepared for it, it can stop your traveling experience before it even gets started.

Again, everyone’s experiences are their own, so I am not expecting everyone to feel the same as me or deal with their loneliness the same as me. But I figured I would use my own experiences as an example to help show how normal it is but also to show you some of the things I did to manage it.

The First Week

For me this is by far the most difficult time for me. I’ve gotten to assignments and spent that first weekend before the assignment starts deciding if I could really go through with it.

You get to a new place, you don’t know anyone and you feel like you are somehow isolated from the world. You may feel like no one else around you knows what you are going through or even cares.

On top of this, you are starting a new job which only adds stress to your already full glass of emotions.  Sometimes, it overfills but that is normal.

The best part is that following every first week, there is a second week and that second week turns into a third.  You continue to gain confidence in the clinic, the community, and in yourself.

I’ve had 6 first weeks now and I have always made it to week #2.  After each time it has always gotten better and I have had more difficulty saying goodbye to a place than showing up for it.

Basically, the first week is going to be difficult and may keep you down.  So know you are not alone when you are going through this. We all go through this as well whether it’s our first assignment or our 50^th.

However, as I have taken on more assignments I’ve gotten better at managing my loneliness and understanding that it is only temporary. Hopefully, some of the things that work for me or that have worked for some of my fellow travelers works for you.

What’s Worked for Me

Routine

So because the first week is so difficult for me one of the things that I find to be the most helpful and calming is to start a routine almost immediately.  First I determine where the hospital or clinic I’ll be working at is compared to where I live, and then I map out my commute.

I then find a gym that is along this commute or near my house and immediately get back into my work out routine.  Working out alone has been shown to decrease stress but more importantly starts a routine. When you are in a routine, everything about being in a new place feels less foreign.

I do things I normally do like go to the grocery store or the laundry mat (if needed).  I create some familiarity in my community and routine within my week. For me, it gives my brain the feeling that I have been somewhere longer than I have which creates a sense of calm.

Creating a Home

Although it’s a temporary home, there is something to be said about still feeling at home. I suggest getting all of your items into your house or room as soon as you arrive.

I’m a poor example of this, but adding dome decorations can also help make it feel more like home.  Putting up some pictures and creating a space that you want to live in is key.

When you feel at home, you tend feel more comfortable and confident in a new place which helps you feel less home sick.

Talk to Your Family and Friends Early and Often

I would have never considered myself much of an on the phone talker but now I feel like I am constantly calling my friends and family during much of my down time. I talk with my parents at least once a week and am always Facetimed in for any small birthday or get together that I have missed.

As a male, I always felt like there was an unwritten rule that I wasn’t suppose to talk on the phone guy-to-guy.  However, now I talk to my friends on the phone regularly.  We probably talk more now than when I was living in the same city as them.  No, this doesn’t replace getting to see them and hanging out with them, but it does help me to stay updated in their lives and avoid the dreaded FOMO (fear of missing out) that travelers are susceptible to.

I also try to stay participating in things going on back home as this helps me to feel like I’m still a part of the group.  They obviously aren’t moving on without me but being involved helps me to still feel connected  Since I have started traveling I have helped plan bachelor parties, played fantasy sports, watched tv shows and sporting events as a group, played video games, been in movie critique text chains, and a part of other random text/call groups for various reasons.

It all has helped me stay connected and given me the important interaction I need and want, especially right away.

Say Yes

It’s hard to do, especially if you are shy like me, but saying yes is one of the best things you can do to begin to meet people and network in your new home. You are going to get invited to coworker get togethers, happy hours, new hire orientation meet ups, etc.

As scary as these may seem at times, say yes. They don’t have to be people you would normally hangout with either. I have met up with people that I know usually wouldn’t be my first choice of a friend group.  However, they might surprise you. They might lead to new connections with people who are more similar to you, and probably most importantly it gets you out of the house and experiencing a new location.

To meet people, you’ll have to venture a little bit outside of your comfort zone and for me, it’s worked out that I have created some lasting relationships from people all over the United States, from all sorts of backgrounds.

Get Involved

Every city and town I have ever been to offers so many ways for like minded people to meet up.  You probably don’t know about many of them because you, like me, are so used to your comfort zone that you never explored outside of your own friend group. Here are some ideas to get out of the loneliness rut:

1. Church: No matter where you are, a church can offer a strong sense of community and belonging.
2. Rec Leagues: Most cities, YMCA’s, or other local gym or schools have rec sports for any competition level.  Joining a team as a free agent can offer a good workout as well as a way to meet people with similar interests.
3. Hiking, Biking, Running, Walking, Rock Climbling Groups: Every place I have been, I’ll see or hear about these groups.  What better way to find people you like than joining a group which consists of people doing something you like.
4. Dating Apps: Although it sounds lame, if you are single, it offers you an opportunity to meet people and explore a new location with.  And who knows, you may meet that special someone.
5. Facebook Meet-ups: For me, I am a part of the Choose FI and Bigger Pockets movement. So in every new city I attend, I join that city’s Facebook group which often has monthly meet ups at local breweries and bars to discuss things that I clearly enjoy anyways.  And it doesn’t have to be nerdy money things that I like, there are plenty of groups of any crazy hobby you may have.
6. Take a Class: Join a yoga studio, do Soul Cycle, take a cooking class, join a crossfit gym, learn how to paint.  These classes often offer a great sense of community.
7. Get Roommates: Although this has the potential to go poorly, having roommates offers you instant friends.  They don’t have to be someone you’re best friends with, but at least you will have some nightly interaction and someone to watch some tv with from time to time.  My closest friend I have made from traveling actually came from being a random Craigslist roommate. Now that I’m gone, we Facetime weekly.
8. Travel with a Pet: Most travel companies even provide help for traveling with your furry companion.  What better way to pick you up than a smiling face and a wagging tail waiting to greet you when you get home from work.

If all else fails, just get out of your house. You aren’t going to meet people if you stay at home.  Although it feels safe to just run through the Office for the 4^th time, it isn’t going to help you fight that loneliness or sense of being an outsider.

Get out, go on a walk, go explore you’ll be surprised how empowering that will feel. Even if you don’t meet anyone while you are out, you may begin to develop a sense of belonging to the community or city the more you are a part of it.

Conclusion

Traveling alone is scary, you are going to feel lonely from time to time.  The most important thing to know is that this is normal.  You aren’t alone in these feelings and it will get better.

The important thing to do is to not shut down and make sure you keep your strong support system from back home or wherever your friends and family are.  You will meet people, and you will develop that sense of belonging.

It takes time, but you have to allow yourself to step outside your comfort zone a bit.  What I listed above works for me but we aren’t the same person and you’ll need to find ways to make every new assignment feel like home, even if it is only temporary.

With each assignment your confidence and level of independence will grow.  Make sure you don’t let those feelings of loneliness stop you from attempting a traveling assignment because for me, the rewards of it have outweighed the cons.

How do you deal with loneliness while you travel?

As always, let me know what you think and if you have any specific questions, feel free to reach out here.